It’s easy to lose faith in love when all we hear about are red flags and awful, cheating jerks. But leave it to Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco to reinstill hope for what a healthy, loving relationship should look like.
Over the weekend, the two tied the knot in an intimate, outdoor ceremony, attended by Taylor Swift, Gomez’s Only Murders in the Building co-stars Martin Short and Steve Martin, Ed Sheeran, and Paris Hilton, to name a few notable guests. And judging from the Instagram photos Gomez and Blanco have shared so far, they’re glowing—and absolutely in love.
While, sure, this famous duo has a few more resources than most of us, there’s a lot we can learn from Gomez and Blanco’s whirlwind romance to raise our own dating standards too. Here are some of their biggest green flags.
1. They prove that love is the real prize.This year, Gomez received her fourth consecutive Emmy nomination as an executive producer for Only Murders in the Building. Although she didn’t snag an award, Blanco made sure she still felt like a winner, surprising her with an extravagant candlelit setup at home.
“Came home to a surprise my baby put together,” Gomez wrote in an Instagram post, to which Blanco commented, “i win an award every night (you).”
2. They make each other’s happiness a top priority.Relationships aren’t just about being happy individually. Blanco and Gomez make it a point to actively lift each other up. In fact, it’s the very first thing the Grammy-nominated music producer says he does when he wakes up.
“I think to myself, How can I make Selena’s day better?” Blanco said on the On Purpose With Jay Shetty podcast. “Because that makes my day better…and I know when Selena wakes up, the first thing she’s thinking is, How can I make his day better?” It’s what Blanco calls a “give-and-take” dynamic—which, according to relationship experts SELF previously spoke with, is a major bonus in any lasting romance.
3. They build trust through reliable actions, not words or empty promises.Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, but it’s not always easy to build. It requires you to be vulnerable, let your walls down, and make some compromises, which is why it’s so important to have a patient, reassuring partner who makes the process of opening up a little less overwhelming.
As Blanco explained to Shetty, “I had to find a way to build that trust with [Gomez], not being overbearing but make it feel real and make her actually believe it and vice versa.” One specific way he does this? Reassuring her with a simple text like, “I’m going to this next thing. I’m thinking about you,” whenever they’re physically apart. “She wants to talk to me before she goes to bed, she wants me to say, ‘I love you,’ she wants me to text her if I wind up having to stay somewhere two hours late,” Blanco continued. It may not sound like much, but it’s subtle, intentional gestures like these that can really make a person feel safer and more supported.
4. They express their love through thoughtful, personalized gestures.Of course, a bougie bathtub filled with queso isn’t exactly in the cards for us regular folks. But Blanco continues to prove that showing love doesn’t require you to go big or spend large. Because Gomez isn’t a “flowers girl,” for instance, the Open Wide: A Cookbook for Friends author skipped the traditional Valentine’s Day bouquet and spoiled her with something more meaningful: fried pickles, her favorite snack. He even admitted to having a friend from Vegas bring him separate parts to make Gomez a Whataburger (“It is my favorite in Texas,” she explained on The Tonight Show), since the fast food chain isn’t available in California. And what’s more heartwarming than knowing you’ve got a soulmate who pays attention to the tiny details that make you, you.
5. They view conflict as an opportunity for growth.“Conflict” doesn’t exactly sound like something anyone wants in their relationship. However, Blanco and Gomez have a different and, frankly, refreshingly mature way of handling their rough patches.
“We don’t argue like that,” Blanco explained on Shetty’s podcast. “I feel like we just have conversations…[Selena] will go, ‘I’m feeling a little irritated, and I need 25 minutes,’” explained Blanco, who’s happy to give her that time. (Though he added they’ll reconnect within a few minutes. Still, it’s that patience and mutual understanding that makes their conflict resolution so top-tier.)
6. They respect each other’s boundaries—and the importance of personal space.Being too codependent isn’t a good thing, since it’s important to maintain your independence and tend to your other relationships too. At the same time, though, you understandably don’t want a dynamic in which you’re barely seeing or talking with each other.
Navigating that sweet spot can be tough, but Blanco and Gomez seem to have found the perfect balance. “I don’t have to be on top of her every second. She doesn’t have to be on top of me every second we’re together,” Blanco told Shetty. “We’re both highly independent people, but we’re both little mushes who need to be attached at the hip.”
7. They make it a point to appreciate each other every single day.Especially in long-term relationships, it’s easy to accidentally take your SO for granted. However, Blanco makes sure his wife knows just how much she means to him: In fact, “Every day when I wake up, I tell her how beautiful she is,” Blanco said on The Drew Barrymore Show.
He elaborated on why he does this while talking to Shetty too: “I want her to know that every day, I don’t take anything for granted,” he said. “Last night, we were in the pool…and I was just like, you’re so beautiful. And I don’t mean that just physically. You can feel it—there’s a ring, an aura around her that exudes warmth.”
8. They let each other shine without feeling threatened.In a healthy relationship, there’s no room for competition: You’re a team, after all, not rivals—and Blanco and Gomez (two of the most successful players in the music industry) are a perfect example of this.
While speaking to Interview Magazine, Blanco revealed, “There’s no ego between us. She’s praying for me to win, and I’m praying for her to win.” Gomez, too, is on the same page, which she elaborated on after Blanco was labeled one of People Magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive. “I’m beyond proud to know that there is someone in the world that deeply cares about every tiny detail about who I am and have someone support me, encourage me, inspire me, and motivate me,” she said on CBS Sunday Morning—and it’s obvious he continues to do so, whether he’s showering her with kisses on the Emmy red carpet or pulling off rom-com worthy surprises at home.