The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Tolu (33) took a big leap of faith when she moved to Canada as a permanent resident in 2019. But it paid off—in less than five years, she became a Canadian citizen, homeowner, wife, mother, and soon-to-be U.S. green card holder.
Where do you live, and when did you move from Nigeria?
I live in Houston now. I left Nigeria in 2019 but first lived in Canada before moving to Houston in 2023.
Let’s start from the beginning: how did the move to Canada happen?
I moved to Canada as a permanent resident in 2019. It was a major decision because my parents didn’t want me to move without a spouse. We didn’t have any family abroad, so they were uncomfortable with me moving to a new country by myself. To assure them I could handle it, I made sure I found a job in Canada before I left. It was a Big Four company (and I also worked at a Big Four company in Nigeria). I sent out at least 500 applications before I finally got that job, but getting it made it easier to convince my parents to give their blessings.
Accommodation was an issue initially, but my dad reached out to some members of his old student association, and one of the women in the association offered to house me for one month. After that first month, I moved into my place and started my life in Canada.
500 applications is crazy. How did it feel to start over in Canada?
It was easier for me because I got a job before I left Nigeria, and they also paid my relocation fee of about $2,000. But getting my own place was a struggle because house hunting is a bit hectic in Canada.
The months that followed after I moved into my house were also rough– I spent my first Christmas away from my family, and while I was still grappling with it, COVID started, and the organization I worked for started layoffs. Thankfully, I survived it. At some point, I started a food business for fun. I didn’t have friends, so cooking for other people gave me a sense of community. The more people referred me, the more I met new people.
I’m glad. Did you experience any culture shock in Canada?
Back in Nigeria, I was a team lead. I moved to Canada and had to take a few steps back, even though I was functioning in the same role I had in Nigeria. In addition, the people I had as team leads were less experienced. The organization said they needed to lead because they wanted me to first understand how things worked in the country. But I knew it was bullshit. Racism is very subtle in Canada, but it’s there.
It was mentally draining for me to be on that team and disappear into the background while my juniors, who I was more qualified than, played the team lead. I also had a tough time getting used to how much they fake smiled in Canada, but I had to get used to it.
Sorry about that. At what point did you know you wanted to leave Canada?
I never knew I was going to leave Canada. During COVID, I met my husband online. He was living in the US, so I wasn’t serious about it at first. But the other people I was talking to were dead ends. Around August 2021, he flew into Canada to ask me out officially. I knew then he wanted to be serious, so even though I was sceptical at first, I ended up giving in. He ended up spending about ten days with me and it was on his second day with me that I told my friend I would marry him.
We had our introduction in February 2022 via Zoom. After that, we got married legally in April 2022 in Canada. We finalized things by getting married traditionally in Nigeria sometime in July. I knew I’d have to move to the US eventually, but before we became serious, I bought my first home in Canada. That was sometime in 2021, less than two years after I moved to Canada.
That’s huge. How were you able to achieve that?
Interest rates were really good at the time. When I got married, moving to the US was a natural decision. We applied for a Green card immediately, and I had our baby nine months into the marriage. At this point, I was already a Canadian citizen, and that came with many benefits that made living in the US easier even before the green card was approved. An agreement between Canada, the US and Mexico made it easy for me to get a work permit to move to the US. It’s called a TN Visa. So that was how I moved to the US. Our green card is still in the works, but I joined my husband in 2023.
What’s happening with your property in Canada now that you’re in the US?
When I wanted to buy a property, I set out to buy one that I could rent out. So, before I bought the property, I made sure the bylaws included that I could rent it out. That’s why it wasn’t hard to make that move. But now that I’m no longer a resident of Canada, the taxes I have to pay are slightly different.
Interesting. How did your parents react to your marriage?
Oh, they were so happy. You don’t understand how much Nigerian parents want you to marry as soon as possible, plus the fact that I was almost 30 at the time. Being a Nigerian girl, you know your parents start stressing when you reach that age. His family was happy as well. Our parents met before we got married, and my parents immediately liked them.
I love that for you. What’s the biggest difference between living in the US and Canada?
People are nicer in Canada than in the US. At least, when you’re having a bad day in Canada, people will smile at you, but in the US, everybody just wants to make their money. Both countries have many similarities, but I’d prefer raising my children in the US.
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How is motherhood and married life going?
It’s been beautiful. My toddler hasn’t started daycare yet, but I have a live-in nanny because the money is better here. I had a one-year maternity leave in Canada, so I had time to bond with my baby, although I only used eight out of the 12 months because I got a job in the US. The downside is that maternity leave is just three months in the US. But having a nanny makes life easier.
On a scale of one to 10, how happy are you with your life right now?
I have a good job. I have a good family, and I love my partner. I’ll say 10 over 10.
Do you want to share your Abroad Life story? Please reach out to me here. For new episodes of Abroad Life, check in every Friday at 12 PM (WAT).